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The fact of the matter is, some children are not allowed to express themselves emotionally, even when they’re not putting their parents in the line of fire of people who just want to wait in line at Starbucks in peace.Some children are habitually shut down emotionally by their parents or caregivers.To my surprise, disqualification is something one does to oneself, not to someone else.One disqualifies oneself when one is afraid to say what one really feels or means for fear that others will reject it.When people say that relationships take work, they mean maintaining that constant balance of each other's emotions.Your partner avoiding the "work" in the relationship is like wanting to have his cake and eat it, too.
The second idea is that when children in a family are continually invalidated by their parents, they start to give them what the children think they want: saying and doing things which literally invite other people to invalidate them. I at first thought that maybe Linehan was re-discovering the wheel, but then I went back to the old book to look at how they defined disqualification.
As I described in my post on the family dynamics of borderline personality disorder, “Invalidating someone else is not merely disagreeing with something that the other person said.
It is a process in which individuals communicate to another that the opinions and emotions of the target are invalid, irrational, selfish, uncaring, stupid, most likely insane, and wrong, wrong, wrong.
Clearview Women’s Center is a residential treatment program that specializes in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
The center, located in Venice Beach, Calif., is the premier program on the West Coast for BPD treatment.